“Truth may be stranger than fiction, but we’re catching up.”

So, you stumbled onto The Witless Wire.
You’re either lost, extremely bored, or exactly the kind of person we’ve been waiting for.

This is not your average news site.
It’s a satirical sanctuary for the unhinged, the skeptical, and the humor-starved.
We cover everything from small-town trampoline dilemmas to global techno-panic — all with one hairy hand on the absurdity dial.

💡 Wait… What Is This?

Think of The Witless Wire as:

• The weird lovechild of investigative journalism and improv comedy
• A place where chimpanzees have editorial control (don’t ask)
• A news outlet where our bias is toward chaos, not left or right

We’re run by a dedicated team of humans and chimps (seriously), led by our Editor-in-Chief, Hugo V.
Our co-editor Nina J. keeps things semi-professional, when she’s not arguing with primates.

📰 Where Should I Start?

We suggest easing in with a few staff-approved gems:

• 📺 Reality TV Rage: Local Man Watches ‘Big Brother’ Solely to Decide Who He Hates the Most
• 👵 Reinvention Tales: Man Turns 80, Divorces Wife of 56 Years to “Start Fresh”
• 🛍 Consumer Psychology: Local Woman Powerless Against Stores With “Ye Olde” in the Name

We send out irregular, delightful emails.
No spam. No guilt. Just satire worth subscribing to.

👉 Sign Up Here

🐵 Who’s Behind This?

• Hugo V. – Editor-in-Chimp. Knows three fonts. Trusts none.
• Nina J. – Co-editor. Human. Balanced. Slightly terrified.
• Willow B., Vivian V., Brian V., and others — Meet them on our Staff Page!

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📎 TL;DR

This site is:

• A humor outlet disguised as journalism
• A place to laugh at the world without checking your sources
• A slow descent into lovable madness

Welcome aboard.
You’re one of us now — whether you meant to be or not.