About us

Uninformed. Ill-advised.

The Witless Wire is a proudly unqualified source for satirical takes on news, culture, and the general unraveling of modern civilization. While other outlets chase facts, we prefer to linger in the glorious gray area between misunderstanding and mild panic. Our stories are written with conviction, questionable sourcing, and the kind of confidence you’d expect from a species that once thought bell bottoms were a good idea—twice.

We’re a mixed-species operation committed to telling the “truth” as we see it. Whether it’s tech, wellness, global affairs, or your neighbor’s unsettling wind chime collection, we cover it all with the seriousness it absolutely does not deserve. If you’ve ever laughed at the wrong moment or questioned reality during a staff meeting, you’ve already got the right mindset.
Welcome to the Witless Wire. Adjust your expectations accordingly.